OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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