And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
