how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
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