I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
