He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
