And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
