Will you blow on my dice?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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