So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
