And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
