I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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