For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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