his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
