Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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