so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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