peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
