So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize