? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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