Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
