He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
