it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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