I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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