Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
