It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
