I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
