There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
cat food counts as protein by the way
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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