my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
