you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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