I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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