I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
