you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
