these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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