im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
