Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
