Did you just see the Batmobile???
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
