I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
