Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
