I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
