I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
