The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize