I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize