ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Randomize
