I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize