i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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