Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My breasts were aching with rage.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
