I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
