theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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