hotel room ftw
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize