Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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