The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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