Sry I called you an 8
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I have aggressive nipples.
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