I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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