Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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