I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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