he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
