Old men and throwing up are my life now.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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