I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Randomize
