just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
