We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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