I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
