We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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