we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
